Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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