either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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