Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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