Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize