if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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