Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize