guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just cropdusted the office
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We smell like vodka and hangover
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