So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
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I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sext me about skeletons
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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