God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize