I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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