I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize