i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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