OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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