Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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