i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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