No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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