he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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