The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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