you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
ok first of all what the fuck
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize