Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize