so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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