She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize