Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize