Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Apparently you make a good broom.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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