We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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