omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize