Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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