hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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