it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize