I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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