I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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