I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize