I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize