I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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