she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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