I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize