TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
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Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
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I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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