My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize