I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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