Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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