Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize