I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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