I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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