Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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