I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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