he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
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I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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