1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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