Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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