He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
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The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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