I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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